Everybody Hurts

28 April 2020 Tuesday

Slept to complaints.
Woke up to a call from our PlayStation Console Courier, which was being delivered to replace our busted one.
Immediately followed by the Water delivery guy, which I botched:
Went around in circles at least three times - got my mask but failed to get him a mask and t-shirt, which made him shout angrily at me so I can quickly get it for him.
I did average on the prep - I was able to gather materials for cleaning but failed to sweep the area first prior to mopping it.
This virus is killing me. Even if I’m not exposed to it.

I am hypersensitive. I know that. I get whiplash from him alternating from hot and cold. Me, I can’t be like that. Either I like you or I don’t.

And I realize I’m starting to like him less and less.
What do I really get from this relationship?
I don’t even know now.
But still, I’m staying. Because I have nowhere to go.

We had a number of arguments today, and the sun is still up. Sigh.
His hips hurt– I told him , “Do you want me to crack your back?” To which he replied, “You’re the worst human being that I know. It’s not my back that hurts.” I said, “I know it’s not your back that hurts, but maybe you wanted your back to be cracked.” “How many times do I have to tell you? Okay, if you really know where it hurts, then show me.” I pointed at his rear area, near the hips. “It’s not there! It’s here,” he said, pointing to the right side of his outer hip. I immediately fell silent. Here we go again.

See, this leaves me confused. I’m trying to help, but he responds in a not so nice way. His excuse is that something pains him. So this has been going on for so long, and I’ve kind of devised a formula for it:

If he says, “My ____ (hips, gums, sides, head, etc.) hurt.”
I should: look at him and look concerned. I can repeat what he said… “Oh, your ____ hurt?”
I can ask him to go to a doctor and have it checked.

I cannot: Offer solutions without thinking about it. But I still don’t know the answers up to now.
Can’t always offer medicine – because he’ll say you don’t care about his kidneys.
Can’t always offer assistance – he’ll say you’re not thinking about it.
Can’t stay quiet or show a face with no reaction – He’ll say you don’t care.

Note to self: Keep quiet, answer when you’re spoken to, react accordingly. If you do this, your day has a 65% chance of running smoothly.

Also, for tomorrow: find positive reasons why you’re still in this relationship.