Here we go again. For the nth time, my excitement about life has worn down. From waking up 5am every morning, to running outside, then going on with my day as I have planned… To sleeping late, waking up later, and throwing all the plans out of the window. Come on!!! I’m better than this.

I am actually quite excited to kick myself in the shins today. Relapsing? Hell yeah, challenge accepted. I refuse to give in to my lazy self. Or rather, I will fight for myself - or at least for what I really aspire to be. I feel really aggravated and out of control every single time I go through this phase.

One thing is for sure. I will fight this. I will fight laziness and I will make everything right. For my own sanity.

A wise person once told me, after the excitement, that’s where the discipline comes in. I have to train myself to continue what I started. One thing I have known long ago but only...

Great, this is turning out to be a fitness blog. BUT I assure you, it’s not.

Today is such a good day and I’m almost afraid to celebrate it. Then I thought, why the hell not?

During gloomy days I take my time wallowing in the sadness. I kind of absorb everything and endure through it, because I know that if I didn’t “finish” feeling it, there would be a day wherein I regret not experiencing the whole experience. Sounds weird, I know, but I am just like that. In everything I experience, I make sure to take my fill. Whether it be a good thing or a bad thing, I just take it all in. When there’s a view, I make sure to absorb every detail. When there’s a heart break, I make sure to feel the saddest feeling I can ever feel. And then I shut it all off.

I am what you can call a very sensual person. Meaning, I use all my senses passionately and to the fullest. Well, not always, but most of...

Yesterday was supposed to be the first of day of the rest of my life. Sunday was supposed to be a rest day, the day I eat everything and do nothing - then follow it up with a Monday of intermittent fasting and interval training. It’s weird how sometimes, you plan everything inside your head, only to catch yourself obsessing over doing it or not doing it. Either way you’re screwed, because you already had everything planned out but doing all of it exactly as it is makes you freak out and end up not doing anything.

I did freak out. And guess what, it was an enlightening experience. Somehow, going through thoughts of waking up at quarter to five the next morning only to wake up 3 hours earlier and not knowing what to do with shit seems to freak out the crap out of me.

That, and also thinking about how I would survive 24 hours without eating anything scares the crap of me too.

So yeah, I...

Woke up today thinking about how I would react in the office once I said my goodbyes. Would they give me something? Would I cry?

I did not expect the surge of warmth I felt when I actually said farewell. It was different– in such a way that for the first time, the goodbyes actually meant something to me. It did not feel empty. It did not feel as if I’m just a passing being, something they would forget in minutes. It felt comforting to be treated special. Learn to be happy at times, they said. Learn how to say “if this isn’t nice, then I don’t know what is.” Well, this is my nice.

For the first time I did not feel panic at the thought of them forgetting about me in an instant. Somehow, life would remain the same but completely different - I would now revolve in separate circles, but I am quite certain that I will never cut ties with them. Even though thoughts about them being...